Continuing my Adult Life

I left off where Dan and I had parted ways. I didn't tell you how John and I worked during this time.

A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant I finally worked up the courage to tell John. There were a lot of tears and angry words. We eventually made up and broke up and made up again... I went to Omaha to visit him in September. He worked the week I was there and I had a lot of time to think. I thought about my situation. Unmarried, broke, and afraid. I decided I would give my baby up for adoption. I called my friends in Las Vegas and asked them to remove all the baby furniture I had received from people. I was so afraid of changing my mind.

I called my mom and asked her to find me a way to contact LDS Family Services. The first lady who called was Bobbie. Bobbie was sickly sweet. She called me a "poor dear" and generally fawned over me on the phone. I hated it. I was not a poor dear. I had made my bed and now I had to deal with the consequences. I called my mom and told her I needed another worker. She called the agency and Brad called me.

I started seeing Brad monthly and then weekly as I got closer to my delivery date. At the end of November, I started looking at profiles of couples that were waiting to adopt. I narrowed it down to about six and I told Brad I would go home and sleep on it and pray. For the next week one couple kept coming to my mind. I knew that the Holy Ghost was telling me where my daughter would grow up. the next time I saw Brad I told him who I had decided on and he had me draft a letter to them. How do you tell someone you would like them to raise your child? The letter took me nearly two hours to write. I had even bought some pretty pink paper to print my letter out on. We printed it and I went home.

Brad called Becky. (Justin was in Hawaii on a business trip) Becky came to the agency and wrote me a card after she read my letter and cried. She told me that they had just found out that day that their 3rd or 4th attempt at InVitro had failed.

On December 5th 2005, I met my daughter's parents. We talked for a long time. We discussed my desire to have one of them in the labor room with me because I feel that the bond between mother and child should start at the earliest time. That's pregnancy for most women, but at birth for others. They agreed with me and Becky was in the delivery room with me. I told them I wouldn't be naming the baby because I believed that was one of the many joys of choosing to have a child. I asked them if they had any names in mind. Becky looked at me and said "Bronte"...My jaw dropped. I told her that Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte was one of my favorite books. We knew then that we were meant to have this child together. One of the other things I told them was I actually didn't want them to feel my belly. I wanted just one thing that would be just mine. They were agreeable to that, but then again who wants to argue with the girl that's agreeing to give you her unborn child.

They brought me a memory box. It contained things about them, things for me to remember, a bracelet that matches my daughters, and Surprise! my own copy ofJane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, and other things.

Then it was January. I wanted to have my mom there when I gave birth. I wanted someone else to share my joy and pain. I had to convince the doctors to plan for me to be induced because my mom would only be able to be in Las Vegas for 1 week. We decided that if I hadn't gone into labor by the 16th I would come in at midnight on the 17th. I arranged to call Brad when I went into labor so he could call Becky and Justin to meet me at the hospital. My mom arrived on 14 January. On the 15th we went to the mall and walked around for a long time. We had made arrangements to meet Becky and Justin at the Venetian for lunch on the 16th. We woke up at about 0900. We ate breakfast and as we were getting ready to head out I noticed that My cell phone had been shut off cause I was late on the bill. I walked out the door to go to Ken's(one of my coworkers) house to use his Internet to turn it back on. I was two apartment buildings down when my water broke. I walked back to my house and told my mom my water had broken. We gathered my things and drove to Ken's house. I still needed my phone. We went inside and Ken called the hospital to tell them I was on the way in. We also used his phone to call Brad. I told Brad to tell Becky that "Instead of having lunch, we're going to have a baby"
Nearly an hour after my water had broken I arrived at the Labor ward.

I'm tired of writing so I'll tell my Labor story later.