Labor

It seems that I have babies on the mind lately. All my friends are pregnant, most with their first. And all want advice/reassurance. The only thing I can do is tell the story of my labor.



I arrived at the labor ward with my mom. I remember walking in and thinking I was leaving this horrible trail of amniotic fluid behind me. It seemed like every time I moved more came out in gushes. I worked at the hospital as admissions and dispositions, so I knew most everyone on the floor. This made my birthing experience much better I believe. These were people I saw everyday of the week.



I went into a room and they did a vaginal exam. I was 4cm dilated and still hadn't felt one contraction. Since my water had broken they began by monitoring me for about an hour. The doctor told me I wasn't having any contractions and they wanted to start a pitocin drip. I agreed and for the next couple hours My mom, Becky and I sat around just waiting for things to get really going. They kept increasing my dosage of pitocin because I was still not feeling any contractions.



The next thing I remember was at about 4:30pm I was crying with the contractions and wanted my epidural. I was 6cm dilated. The dang anesthesiologist kept telling me not to move. But have you ever tried not moving while pregnant curled into a ball and riding out a contraction, cause I'll tell you not fun at all.



At about 6pm, I began feeling the urge to push and the nurse told me that I couldn't push because the doctor wasn't there. When Maj. Quayle finally showed up (couldn't have been more than 5 minutes) I began to push. I had Mom on one side holding my knee to my chest and the nurse was on the other side. Becky was at the end of the bed watching her daughter be born into the world. I only pushed for 17 minutes, but I clearly remember looking up at my mom and watching tears roll down her cheeks. Bronte was put directly onto my chest while Becky cut the cord. As soon as she was free of me Becky was able to hold her.



There are no words to describe the feeling of wholeness, happiness, and rightness in giving birth. Even though Bronte does not live with me and will never call me mom (I hope) I have never felt the way I did then. I don't know if I ever will again.



There are a couple of things I would have done differently if I could. I would have had a birth plan written up because when it came time to cut the cord I realized I hadn't even thought about it. But it seemed natural to let Becky do it. I regret getting the epidural because I went from 6 to 10 in an hour so I couldn't get up after the birth and walk around, I really wanted to but couldn't feel my legs.



When I could walk we were moved to a postpartum room that was adjoined with another labor room. For most of the night Becky stayed in the labor room and Bronte and I stayed in the postpartum. Becky was there breastfeeding her daughter while I was trying to get some sleep. Unfortunately, at about midnight we had an influx of laboring women. I was moved moved to a more private room and Becky was asked to wait in the waiting room, because another lady needed the labor room. I think Becky even slept out there.



We stayed in the hospital for 3 days. This is longer than most especially since I had such an easy labor. Nevada law states that the child cannot be given for adoption until she was 72 hours old. I didn't feel that I could take her home, because I had nothing to carefor her and I thought it would make my desecion harder. Becky and Justin were there for the first two days. The last day I was left with Bronte to say my goodbyes and have something special to remember.

Continuing my Adult Life

I left off where Dan and I had parted ways. I didn't tell you how John and I worked during this time.

A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant I finally worked up the courage to tell John. There were a lot of tears and angry words. We eventually made up and broke up and made up again... I went to Omaha to visit him in September. He worked the week I was there and I had a lot of time to think. I thought about my situation. Unmarried, broke, and afraid. I decided I would give my baby up for adoption. I called my friends in Las Vegas and asked them to remove all the baby furniture I had received from people. I was so afraid of changing my mind.

I called my mom and asked her to find me a way to contact LDS Family Services. The first lady who called was Bobbie. Bobbie was sickly sweet. She called me a "poor dear" and generally fawned over me on the phone. I hated it. I was not a poor dear. I had made my bed and now I had to deal with the consequences. I called my mom and told her I needed another worker. She called the agency and Brad called me.

I started seeing Brad monthly and then weekly as I got closer to my delivery date. At the end of November, I started looking at profiles of couples that were waiting to adopt. I narrowed it down to about six and I told Brad I would go home and sleep on it and pray. For the next week one couple kept coming to my mind. I knew that the Holy Ghost was telling me where my daughter would grow up. the next time I saw Brad I told him who I had decided on and he had me draft a letter to them. How do you tell someone you would like them to raise your child? The letter took me nearly two hours to write. I had even bought some pretty pink paper to print my letter out on. We printed it and I went home.

Brad called Becky. (Justin was in Hawaii on a business trip) Becky came to the agency and wrote me a card after she read my letter and cried. She told me that they had just found out that day that their 3rd or 4th attempt at InVitro had failed.

On December 5th 2005, I met my daughter's parents. We talked for a long time. We discussed my desire to have one of them in the labor room with me because I feel that the bond between mother and child should start at the earliest time. That's pregnancy for most women, but at birth for others. They agreed with me and Becky was in the delivery room with me. I told them I wouldn't be naming the baby because I believed that was one of the many joys of choosing to have a child. I asked them if they had any names in mind. Becky looked at me and said "Bronte"...My jaw dropped. I told her that Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte was one of my favorite books. We knew then that we were meant to have this child together. One of the other things I told them was I actually didn't want them to feel my belly. I wanted just one thing that would be just mine. They were agreeable to that, but then again who wants to argue with the girl that's agreeing to give you her unborn child.

They brought me a memory box. It contained things about them, things for me to remember, a bracelet that matches my daughters, and Surprise! my own copy ofJane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, and other things.

Then it was January. I wanted to have my mom there when I gave birth. I wanted someone else to share my joy and pain. I had to convince the doctors to plan for me to be induced because my mom would only be able to be in Las Vegas for 1 week. We decided that if I hadn't gone into labor by the 16th I would come in at midnight on the 17th. I arranged to call Brad when I went into labor so he could call Becky and Justin to meet me at the hospital. My mom arrived on 14 January. On the 15th we went to the mall and walked around for a long time. We had made arrangements to meet Becky and Justin at the Venetian for lunch on the 16th. We woke up at about 0900. We ate breakfast and as we were getting ready to head out I noticed that My cell phone had been shut off cause I was late on the bill. I walked out the door to go to Ken's(one of my coworkers) house to use his Internet to turn it back on. I was two apartment buildings down when my water broke. I walked back to my house and told my mom my water had broken. We gathered my things and drove to Ken's house. I still needed my phone. We went inside and Ken called the hospital to tell them I was on the way in. We also used his phone to call Brad. I told Brad to tell Becky that "Instead of having lunch, we're going to have a baby"
Nearly an hour after my water had broken I arrived at the Labor ward.

I'm tired of writing so I'll tell my Labor story later.

A Little About Me

I suppose when you start a new blog you should tell a little about yourself.

My name is Erica. I am married to John. We live in Okinawa Japan, with no children living with us as of now. That will be my first story.

I graduated High School a year earlier than most. I was 17 1/2. I didn't apply for college and couldn't find a job. I joined the military that next December. I turned 18 in Basic. I had met a man, Derek, a few weeks before I left for BMT and we decided to get married on "town pass". (This is the one thing our drill instructors told us not to do). Unfortuately, about a month after BMT while Derek was at his active duty base and I was in Tech school, I met John. We ended up getting together and I broke Derek's heart. I was ignoring his calls, telling him I couldn't hear the phone or I was in a movie. That poor boy was so in love with me. One day I realized I couldn't do that to him anymore. I asked for an anullment.

I continued to see JOhn even when he graduated and moved on to his permanent assignment. Somewhere along the line we had fallen in love. We talked of marriage and the future

I graduated Tech school in May. A few days after arriving on station, I met Dan. Dan was a nice guy, pushed the limits, but overall a good guy. I being young, went home with him. I thought I was falling in love. I started ignoring John's calls and treating him the same way I treated Derek. Around Mid-may, I discovered I was pregnant. I weighed my options and decided that if Dan didn't want to be around I'd mention adoption. I couldn't stand the thought of abortion. I told Dan and he begged me not to abort the baby. I took that to mean he wanted to raise the baby with me....then he started avioding me.

I started going to my OB appts...I had a couple of scares where I ended up in the ER. Dan knew about each one and never came to see me. When I was 20 wks pregnant I went in for a routine Ultrasound. I found out I was having a baby girl. That night it rained. My friend Kayley and I danced in the rain....

I went to Dan's room. My clothing sticking to my body. We started making out and pretty soon I was naked. Then, someone knocked on the door. I was locked in the bathroom, with all my clothing. I was in there long enough for me to fit my prego self into soaking wet clothing and come up with a few choice words. The moment I was let out I began walking toward the door. I told Dan that it was obvious he didn't respect me and until he did he wouldn't be seeing me or his daughter. That was the last time I saw/spoke to him.

That's really all I can type for now...More later.